Yellow as the Sun

This is the first in a series of poems I’m writing about the diversity of mankind, God’s creation. I don’t believe in colorblindness. There are beautiful reasons why each of us hails from the ethnic/cultural group that we do. The uniqueness of each human appearance reflects the greatness and glory of God, because we are all made in His image. And so we love, because Jesus first loved us to the point of death on a cross. We are redeemed. How can there be any time for petty arguments, as the apostle Paul says? We are free, brothers and sisters! Free indeed! Let us rejoice in our salvation and long to live as Jesus did!

~*~

An arrow pierced my eyes
that were already too small
and stuck there
like a bee sting—
a cracked heart—
a shattered mirror.

It was stupid.
It was so, so stupid.
But it was inevitable.

Of course I was different.
Of course I deserved it.
Of course I was blind.
Of course I was trapped.
Of course…

Of course I felt it.

I felt the yellow hues in my skin,
once so beautiful
like buttercups,
start to hold me back.

And like the setting sun
I shivered and crawled away.

And like the setting sun
I covered my yellow brightness.

But the sun never
stays set for long.
After a long sleep
it comes back
and it never truly leaves,
it’s our perspective that changes.

He reached out
and smiled upon my face.
It glowed
like a thousand suns
because He was my Light.

She Said, They Said

I want to make a difference, she said
I’d like to be a little famous, she said
You’ll have to wait and see, they said
Get up and follow your dreams, they said

I don’t want to be a follower
I don’t want to be a time borrower
I want to lead, serve, and act
I’ll never kick the dog or starve the cat

I want to travel the world, she said
I want to dance and twirl, she said
You’ll have to save a lot of money, they said
You’ll have to be away from family, they said

I tucked away my pride in a pocket
I’m stepping out, shedding the broken locket
I tucked away my shattered heart
I’m running my own race like a bulls-eye dart

I want to serve more people, she said
I want to climb this steeple, she said
Be strong and be confident, they said
We’ll stand by you each moment, they said

Thank you, she said

Eyes

you’re skating on a sheet of ice
slippery as disguise
easy on the eyes
rough on the inside.

you’re dancing across a mirror
reflecting trees
supporting geese-
I’m weak in the knees.

my glassy surface intrigues you
pulls you in
drowns you deep
narrows.

my unblinking gaze holds you
draws you closer
plays the strings
of your heart.

but an eye is an eye
is I
and one wrong step
will shatter me
and you.

The White Rose

Somewhere between losing you
and finding him,
I found a piece of me
I’d lost for quite some time.
It opened
like a white rose
and curled up in my dreams.

I realized how far I’d fallen
into society’s auras
and expectations.
Suddenly,
I was free.

Free to care
Free to love

Free to die

to myself and live
for something greater
than even the rose
inside my soul.

Somewhere between losing you
and finding him,
I stood up straighter,
breathed a little freer,
and fell to dancing
in the minefields.

I clung to the rose,
thorns and all,
and let myself drown
in the colors.

Filled With Awe

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord,
That each day when I open Your Word
I might encounter again Your mercy.
You demonstrated love for me.

I’ve been wandering for so long
My voice has forgotten its worship song.
And I ache to see Your face once more
By walking through that narrow door.

My heart has strayed so far away,
I haven’t followed You faithfully,
Yet I come knowing You promise hope.
And Jesus for my sins atoned.

Your grace overwhelms the depths of me-
To reflect on salvation at Your feet,
That You would love a worm as I
And I can live because You died!

Thank you for every little kindness;
You’ve blessed my life despite the mess-
No words in all the human tongue
Could possibly describe the death You stung.

Death has no more hold on man
For Jesus died that we might stand
In firm foundation, passionate faith,
Because of Your unfailing grace.

Spring’s Approach

Spring is just beginning to awaken
It’s stretching its limbs and
Whispering to the flowers
Wake up, wake up, wake up

But it’s still a little drowsy
And when the summons arrive
It waves them away with a snowball
And rolls over again

The grass remains brown and rough
Interrupting the landscape with
Jagged edges and hope
That one day they will smile

The trees on the horizon stand
Tall and ready to welcome the birds
When they’ve returned from Disneyworld
And are ready to raise their families

The air waits in hungry anticipation
Though meanwhile gloomy and grey
It sucks the light out of winter
And saves it for spring’s royal ball

still stuck

ghosts of yesteryears are still
dancing around this courtyard,
stomping on the sidewalks
and brushing past me,
because I still remember-
and hold onto-
what used to be

I don’t want to let it
Go…
my sun hasn’t set
on my memories
just yet

grey skies come and Go,
bird nests fall and are rebuilt,
the leaves fall,
the winds blow,
but the sun is still up

I’m saying so many good-bye’s
except this one.

Everyone else is leaving.

But I’m still here.

Early Morning

In the stillness of an early morning,
When no one else has risen,
It seems impossible we could be mourning
Losses when there’s so much we’ve been given.

These early mornings are never dull,
My fingers flying across this keyboard,
And every sip of tea is meaningful
When I’m alone with a pencil sword.

In time, inspiration will suddenly strike,
And I’ll abandon my misty day dreams
To turn back to my paper with a hopeful smile,
And write castles in the air by reams.

Sometimes the silence is too good to be true:
Alarms go off, the coffee is ready,
Groggy good mornings, exiting of rooms,
And the morning is up, it’s time for the day.

Let Me Tell You

You poured out your soul
placed it at my feet
and begged me to take it away.

You got down on your hands and knees
hair tangled, skin dry
and pleading filled your eyes.

You told me you didn’t deserve to live,
didn’t deserve good things,
and didn’t deserve to be loved.

And you were right.

But neither did I.

None of us deserve the things we’re given.
None of us deserve to live and let live.
None of us deserve to wake up each morning.
None of us deserve the right to be speak.

And yet we’re given them,
we’re alive, we’re breathing,
we wake up all the same,
and we speak our minds.

I think that says something–
a lot.

If we don’t deserve it,
why do we have it?
How do we have it?
Where do we get it from?
Who do we get it from?

I wish I could tell you about my own darkness,
and how it got me here.
I wish I could tell you about my deepest fears,
and how they shape the me I am.
I wish I could tell you how much I cry,
the tears nobody ever hears.

And I wish I could tell you you’re loved,
and I wish you would believe it
because it’s true.
I wish I could somehow find the words
to say there’s more than living and dying.
I wish I was talented enough to let you know
the beauty of a kept promise.
I wish I was brave enough…

Ah, there’s the rub.

I’m a human, too.
I’m scared.
I’m afraid.
I’m fearful.
I’m… ordinary.

But even as I know I am weak,
I know God is strong.
I know He doesn’t give up on us.
I know He doesn’t break His promises.
I know He loves more than any of us could love.
I know He loves you.

So
somehow
if you come across this poem,
ask me about it.
Let’s talk.
You don’t have to believe me right away,
but I want to share my story,
beyond the memoir
beyond the classes
beyond the debates.
I want you to know the real me,
and see the God behind it all.
I want you to look past my insecurities
and see the God who,
despite all my horrid weaknesses,
fills me with His strength,
and is the reason I keep going.

I’m still alive.

You’re still alive.

And I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

Daily Salvation

See!
I’m pointing at the sun
set.

Watch me run as far as I can, arms out wide, and face upturned
into its light

But I wasn’t watching
where I was going, and I
stum-bled
all….over….my….words

I fell into a ditch, a
yawning–
hole

I thought it was over.
The sun set,
the air turned brisk,
an ant dragged me away,
a single tear slid
down my dry cheeks.

Then! Lo!
The sun began to rise
and a man stooped to me,
muddying his white robe
to offer me a hand.

He helped me rise,
but as I rose,
he fell deeper into the mud.

I got scared.
And I ran away again.

Three days later
I was walking on a different road
heading for the city
away from the sunset.
And I saw him there,
arms out wide,
face upturned to the light.

I followed his gaze,
desirous to know the same hope,
but could not see what he saw.
So I shrugged and left again.

I encountered him,
time and time again,
and time and time again
I ran away after a time
and time again caught up.
It was a game of tag.

I didn’t really know why.
But he did.

He’s still coming after me.

And I’m glad.